Saturday, October 10, 2009

✩✩✩Letters of Intent✩✩✩

Julie over at Foursons
Does this little 'thang' each week
{{I made my way to Julie's Blog via Rachel and Mr Daddy's place, Once Upon A Miracle}}
She, Julie, invites you to get stuff of your chest.
Her invite this week

"Have something you're itchin' to tell someone? Are you irritated beyond belief? In love head over heels? Have a soapbox you need to stand on? Know a business you're ready to put out of business? Well here's your chance!

Write a letter to a person, place, thing, or idea. Tell the who, what, when, where , and why. (Sorry- I've subbed in English classes twice this week.) Make sure to grab my button from my left sidebar and link up below. It's fun and you'll be so glad you did!"

For me it is all a little surreal.
I have just had a short seaside vacation with the family.
Things have been quite...ummm...testing,
yes testing is the phrase I will use, for both my family and myself.
Taking baby steps, I have been moving forward.
I have been proactive...even when I've crawled into bed and pulled the covers up over my head for the best part of a day, it has still been a proactive effort to move forward.
Sometimes the best we can manage is to insulate ourselves from the world on the other side of the quilt, to take a moment to recharge, to shut out the crazies, to find a little quiet and solitude in this crazy hustle and bustle world we call LIFE and recharge!
To close my eyes and go to my very own special place of Zen.

I sat at the kitchen table, when it was quiet, when the others were busy away from the house playing on the beach...or even when all but me were sleeping peacefully in their beds late at night... I watched the Fullmoon rise and set and I watched the Sun rise, all from the comfort of the front Verandah,
and I put pen to paper.
I tore out many pages in frustration, I jotted ideas as I read and re-read the thoughts...the thoughts that have been swirling, somedays hauntingly, other days tauntingly, around in my mind for far to was time to write a letter.
A letter from one woman to another another,
from one mother to another!
It is time to set these thoughts free.
It's time to reclaim my power!
To dissolve the power I allowed you to have over me Carole.
To render you insignificant...and even that is a higher status than you deserve in my life!

{{Warning...this is a pretty heavy Letter of Intent. Respectfully though fellow bloggers, it is something I have needed to do for a very long time. I believe the universe gives out subtle invitations and encouragement to act, though often we do not see the signs for one reason or another, or even a myriad of reasons. Other times I believe we are not yet strong enough to 'muck out the stable' If you're up for a bit of a ride, jump on board...but if you have a weak stomach...please stay behind. Parts of this journey ain't gonna be pretty, 'cause there is a bit of sh!t to wade through and I don't think I'll be up for be apologizing for ANYTHING I write, pssst~ it might do you good to pop on a pair of those stupid looking fishing waders...SERIOUSLY...better to look a little silly than to step in a heap of cr@p!}}

I'm going do go about this a little differently, if no one minds, over this next week I will write a series of letters, a sequence of sorts, because the catalyst for this letter is a very twisted, convoluted series events that ultimately led to the totally unnecessary death of my first husband, my ex-husband Murray ~read page four~,the father of the first three of my Earth Angels, who I lovingly refer too as the ♡♡He and She-Devils♡♡
lets face it most of us have short attention spans, that or fifteen kids screaming at us to rescue the cat from the toilet, feed them, find their missing sock. hairbrush, shoe, toothbrush, schoolbag, homework, or drive them somewhere! We don't have the time to sit and read novels.
So I'll Do this in Short bursts...if they grab your attention, then pop back during the week for the ensuing contributions to my
Ladles and Jellyspoons
buckle up here we go

✉ ✉ ✉ ✉ ✉ ✉ ✉ ✉ ✉ ✉ ✉

A Letter From One Woman To Another,
From One Mother To Another!

Carole, how differently things might be today had you not been so threatened by me. I truly wish your self esteem and sense of self worth had been stronger, more positive.
Perhaps if it had been, you could have sat down and talked to me woman to woman!
If that had happened, perhaps Murray would be alive today.
Perhaps my children would have had the chance to nurture relationships with their father,

It has taken a long time for my attitude towards you to change.
I hated you for the longest time.
I had a hard time dealing with that emotion because I am not a hater!
I think hate is such a strong word, such a destructive emotion and not a particularly healthy emotion to foster.

I dislike many things in this world, I hate very, very few.
You Carole, I have hated!
Today however, the strongest emotion you evoke in me is PITY.

{FYI bloggers, Carole, for whatever reason, likes to be known by various surnames depending on the situation. Her maiden name, her first married name and the name she used when it suited her after she married my late ex-husband, his surname Gibson.}
Why did you do that Carole, swap and change your surname so frequently?

How sad you were so insecure in your relationship with Murray.
You had to have been insecure, that or you are straight out selfish, self centered, narcissistic and, well...just plain mean!
I pity your need to constantly control things around you
and in my case,
things that you had no d@mn right to get involved in or to attempt to claim control over.
My relationship with Murray and his relationship with our children were not your relationships and you had no right trying to exert control over them.
I allowed you, unknowingly, to exert control over me for a very long time and I watched you squirm with insipid glee as you revelled in the drama you created, that you manipulated.
I pity you, because you chose the wrong girl when you chose to come after me.
I was the WRONG girl to come after.

I'm sorry you didn't take the time to sit down and talk to me woman to woman because perhaps if you had, you would have had a first hand opinion about what kind of person I am. If you were perceptive enough, you would have worked it out!
If only we'd sat and talked woman to woman!
If you had known me a little better you would have known that entering a battle to right an injustice IS the kind of battle I will step up to!
Your actions against myself and against my children, mine and Murray's children were unjust.
Do you know that many people believe your actions were just pure evil?
You've actually earned yourself the label "The Toxic Avenger"
...well that and "The Evil Step-Monster"!
Your actions were kinda evil Carole.

I have trouble understanding how you could behave the way you did.
How, as a mother, could you, and why would you, try to separate a father from his children?

Why did you feel you couldn't sit down and talk to me woman to woman Carole?

Why Carole?

Not seriously expecting an honest reply let a lone a reply at all.
Hoping Your Past is Keeping You Company at Night!

Pop on over to Julie's at Foursons, follow the links of the
other contributors to their Letters of Intent.
It would probably make their collective days also, if you were to leave a little 'bloggy L♡VE' if you visit their 'places' :0) Go on...leave a little L♡VE!

Letters of Intent

Thanks for dropping by my place :0)


  1. Cleansing the soul, it does the body good.

    What's that?
    You can barely breathe?
    Ooops I'm sorry..... I must have been hugging you too tight.

    All the love in the universe,

  2. So glad you linked up! Welcome! (And a huge thanks to Rachel)

    First off, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your ex-husband and your kid's daddy. How old are your kiddo's? I understand the grief you are feeling over your ex to an extent. My father passed away 1 1/2 years ago and my mother (although divorced for 15 years was grief-stricken.) There is a relationship there that you had with no one else and you grieve for that relationship as well as your children's grief.

    I understand writing this in a "series" of posts. If you've followed Rachel for a while you may have read a 6 part post I did for her TST link-up. The story was just to long and complicated to try and wrap it up in one neat little post. So I have no problem with it, plus it keeps you coming back!

    I'm glad you're writing these letters, I think it will be very therapeutic for you and hopefully will do more for you then even you can fathom at this point in time.

    Carole sounds a lot like 2 people I know mixed together into one person. I too know someone who uses the surname that is convenient at the time. It absolutely drives me nuts.

    Well, before I hijack your blog any further I will wait for next week's letter. Thanks for linking up!

  3. Jewelz... what a heartfelt and heartbreaking letter all at once. I am so sorry someone has been able to create that much damage. And so glad that she isn't any more.

    You're the bigger person. You're the one your kids see, and the person who loved their father. That's a part of him she can't nullify.

    These kind of wounds go so deep - glad you were able to have a chance to reflect and write them out. Thank you for sharing.

    (Hugs right along with Lisa!)

  4. WOW. You've said so many things that so MANY people wish they could! I'd love to just put on the gloves and have at it on my blog...but too many people in real life I know read my blog. I have to be nice. Grrrr.

    But your letter reminded me so much of my EX-sister-in-law....even down to the last name she chooses to use, I think we're up to 4 now, could be 5 though...