I talk :0)
I talk alot :0)
I have been busting to get back to blogging.
So yesterday, on a day that my head was spinning with thoughts,
instead of doing what I would normally do
I did the opposite
I stepped out of my comfort zone
I spent a moment in time being quiet, standing still.
and the world kept spinning around me
no sh!T go figure :0)
I put a lot of pressure on myself.
ME? I put pressure on myself, no sh!T go figure :0)
I put so much pressure on myself to find the PERFECT shot to post for Wordless Wednesday
I ended up posting NOTHING!
If I posted the photos I wanted to post
I'm sure they would have been oooHHhhh and awhhhed over
I didn't want to convey an ooOhHhh awhhhh happy happy moment
I wanted people to be sad when they looked at the photo
because I was feeling sad.
I would have posted a half page essay explaining why I wanted to post a particular photo
One I'd rather you
and that would have not been a
I postponed posting
and I am ok with that
what did I want to post
Our first born in his Fathers arms
Three Years ago yesterday, the little babe in this photo carried the man in this photo.
It was a bizarre juxtoposition!
I watched it, I pinched myself, it was not real.
I didn't want it to be real.
I practiced denial....
....and I believe that three years ago, denial helped me get through the day.
Now three years on I believe I am starting to accept that this man is no longer with us,
in an earthly sense that is
Three years ago my eldest child, my son, carried his father's coffin.
It was the closest he or one of his siblings had physically been to their father in well over four years.
My heart ached on so many different levels back then.
Today it mostly hurts
☆☆☆because he would be so proud of how bright our little stars are shining☆☆☆
it hurts me, because when I watch them succeed,
my heart is bursting with pride....more than enough for two people!
the aching in my breast is a good ache
We created these gorgeous talented people Murray
They miss you
I miss you
Thank You Murray